


Facing the Music

by Penny_P



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode Related, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:40:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21833059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penny_P/pseuds/Penny_P
Summary: After learning that Seven lied about the reason she abandoned her post during a crisis, Kathryn has to confront her protégé.  Consider this the last scene to the season 7 episode, “Human Error.”
Comments: 8
Kudos: 12





	Facing the Music

Captain Janeway waited outside the entrance to holodeck 2 and realized that a tension headache was just beginning. About an hour ago, scientific curiosity about the new gravimetric array Seven was developing had led her to the Holodeck to take a look. It could benefit the ship greatly and Kathryn thought she might even be able to offer Seven assistance in its development. When she looked for it, though, she discovered Seven had deleted her most recent program.

Knowing that Seven was a perfectionist who might abandon an effort that wasn’t working up to her expectations, Kathryn recovered the program. Seven still needed to learn that there was much to be gleaned from failure. The program, though, was not a prototype of any device. It appeared to be a personal program, set in crew quarters. From the code, Kathryn could see that it included a replica of Chakotay who was romantically pursuing Seven. She began reviewing the details of the program and felt an odd sense of denial. The more she read, the more she felt compelled to read, until she had full knowledge of the purpose and details of the program. When she was finished, she saved it. 

Her first reaction was shock. Never in her wildest imaginings would she have predicted Seven would develop a scenario like this. Her second reaction was anger. A trusted member of her crew had left her post while the ship was in crisis and then lied about the reason why. Seven had been engaged in this program instead of working to save the ship from the weapons being hurled at them from an unknown source. And while yes, Seven had come up with the last-second solution that saved them, that now seemed more luck than preparation.

If any other member of the crew had done this, a captain’s response would not be complicated. But Seven was not in Starfleet and therefore not automatically subject to Starfleet disciplinary processes – and there was something else. Seven had spent 49 hours in six days in the holodeck. That was not normal and when Kathryn had pointed it out, Seven had invented the story about the gravimetric array. There was something going on, Kathryn realized, that was more than simple distraction or dereliction.

  
With a sigh, she summoned Seven to join her. Almost as soon as Seven acknowledged the order, Kathryn felt the start of the tension headache. She wished she could delegate this, but personnel issues were the first officer’s domain and she could hardly ask Chakotay under these circumstances. And the circumstances – well, in all her years in Starfleet, she had never had to deal with a situation quite like this.

Then again, how many times had she said that in the Delta quadrant?

Seven rounded the corridor, arriving promptly. She might have regained her efficiency, Kathryn noted, but she looked pale and unhappy. "You asked to see me, Captain."

"Yes. There's something I'd like you to take a look at." She turned toward the door but paused when she realized that Seven was hanging back. "Is something wrong?"

"What is it that you wish me to see?" Seven was clearly apprehensive.

"Just come with me, please." The door opened, and Kathryn walked inside. Seven followed and seemed to relax when she saw the black and yellow grids. No programs were in use.

"I decided to take a peek at your gravimetric array. I thought perhaps I could help with it." Kathryn watched the younger woman closely. Although her expression did not change, there was a sudden increase in the tension in her body. "Someone deleted the last program you were working on."

"I deleted it," Seven said quickly. "The project did not develop as I anticipated. It was not worth pursuing."

Kathryn looked at her for a long moment, wondering how much of that was the truth. "Computer," she said finally, "activate program Janeway Recovered-Alpha."

The grid shimmered and reshaped itself. In a moment they were standing in a replica of a crew cabin on Voyager. It was furnished sparingly but tastefully. Kathryn noted a dream catcher above the bed and a small but functional kitchen area instead of a replicator.

Seven didn't bother to look around. Her mouth flattened to a straight line. "You had no right to access my program."

Kathryn folded her arms across her chest. "You lied to me, Seven. You lied to me about why you left Astrometrics while the ship was facing a crisis, which is directly about the performance of your duty. That gives me the right to find out why. If you were in Starfleet, you would be in the brig and facing charges for this. You abandoned your post while the ship was under fire and you lied about the reason why.”

Seven stared at her. "I fail to see why this is relevant. I disarmed the warhead." Kathryn continued to stare at her, and after a moment, Seven looked away. "It is personal," she said quietly.

"It might have started out that way. But the moment you made this program more important than the safety of the ship, it became my business." Kathryn softened her tone. "Do you understand the concept of holo-addiction?"

"Holo-addiction is a psychological condition in which participation in holographic scenarios becomes more important to the individual than participation in real life." Her eyes flicked to Janeway. "What is the relevance of your question?"

"I should think that is obvious."

"You believe I am suffering from holo-addiction. I assure you, I am not."

"No?" Kathryn began to walk around the quarters. "Forty-nine hours in six days, Seven. When the Doctor told you to regenerate, did you?"

"No."

"What did you do instead?"

Seven stared at her, apparently unshaken. "I came here."

Kathryn nodded. "And during the baby shower?"

"I was here."

"When you were supposed to be recalibrating the long-range sensors in Astrometrics?"

"Why do you ask when you already know the answer?" Seven snapped irritably.

Kathryn felt her own annoyance rising. "I want you to hear yourself. In all the time you've been on board Voyager, the only times you've been … less than reliable were times when you were affected by forces beyond your control. That’s what happened this time, isn’t it? You lost control of the situation.”

Seven looked away, her body stiff with tension. "I made an error. It will not happen again."

"You're right. It won't," Kathryn said firmly. She looked around, then went to the kitchen area and picked up a piece of chopped carrot. "Do you want your own quarters?"

The sudden change in direction seemed to catch Seven by surprise. "It is not possible. My regeneration unit requires more power than is available in the crew cabins."

There was bitterness in her voice, real and raw. Kathryn studied her closely. "Is that what this is all about? About being different from the rest of us?"

"No. I am accustomed to being different."

"What, then?"

Seven looked at her for several seconds, her eyes filled with pain. "I am not Annika, and I never will be."

"I don't understand." Kathryn wasn’t following the logic of the response, but how deeply upset the younger woman was.

"In Unimatrix Zero, I was Annika. I knew what it felt like to be without implants, and to be fully human."

Kathryn remembered. In Unimatrix Zero, Seven had been very different. Without the Borg implants she had dressed differently, carried herself differently, even spoken with different inflections. And she had called herself Annika. "Yes, I remember."

"Outside of these walls, I cannot be Annika. But I thought that here, in the holodeck, I might be able to feel that way again."

A surge of pity swept through her. "And did you?"

"For a while. For a while I was able to be friends with the crew, the way I was able to be friends with Laura and Korrock."

"And Axum?" Kathryn asked quietly. "Did you find someone you could love the way you loved Axum?"

Seven blushed and looked away. "I suspect you know the answer to that."

Kathryn sighed. "I'm sure this feels like an intrusion into your privacy. But Seven, what you did was wrong. Now I understand _why_ you did it, but that doesn’t change the basic principle."

"I understand."

"Do you? Then tell me."

"It was wrong to leave my post when the ship was in crisis. And I should not have prevaricated about my reasons for doing so."

"That's correct but incomplete.” Kathryn sighed, hoping Seven was truly listening to her. “It was also wrong to create holographic simulations of your crewmates without their permission, especially for uh, romantic reasons. There's a good reason for the policy against it. It was an invasion of their privacy and dangerous to your own mental health." She walked over to the bed, and touched one of the feathers on the dreamcatcher. It was as soft and smooth as a real feather would be. If she hadn't known better, she would have believed she was in actual quarters. "It becomes too hard to remember what is real and what is only a holodeck experience. The lines between fantasy and reality get blurred."

The words brought back memories of her own issues with the Fair Haven program. She had created Michael Sullivan to be her perfect lover. When she had given the order that resulted in the near-destruction of the program, it had hurt almost as much as if she had sacrificed a real village with actual humans living it. She had never lost track of what was fantasy and what was not, but she realized then that over time the distinction could be lost. How much more quickly would that happen if she had created holograms of the people she lived and worked with every day?

And if a hologram of Chakotay eventually became sentient, like the Doctor, what did that mean? Which Chakotay would be real? There were no easy answers, which was part of the reason that creating holograms of real people was so discouraged.

With a small sigh, she finished, "That's why I have removed your holodeck privileges indefinitely. As of now, you cannot independently create holodeck programs and you cannot use the holodeck alone."

Seven's eyes widened. "Will you tell Commander Chakotay of this?"

"I'm going to tell him, and Tuvok and the Doctor, that I believe you are suffering from holo-addiction. And I do believe that, Seven. That's why we're not talking about harsher discipline, and that's all they need to know." Under no circumstances did she was she going to tell Chakotay that Seven had programmed his alter ego to be her lover. However flattering it might seem, she still used him without his consent, and that would anger him greatly. Kathryn walked back over to the young woman and brushed a hand against her arm. "When we're certain you can handle it, your privileges will be reinstated. But gradually, and with supervision at first. Recovery takes time."

"Recovery will not be a problem.” Seven paused, apparently gaining control of some emotion. “The Doctor has discovered that my cortical node contains an emotional damper. I am incapable of experiencing sustained, strong emotions without significant interference in my ability to function. Extended use of this scenario would be harmful and I must discontinue it regardless of your order.”

Kathryn felt tears threaten. Never able to sustain emotions? What a waste. What a damnable waste. No wonder she's bitter. She knows now what she has lost. "I'm sorry."

Seven looked away. "I do not want your pity."

"Live with it. What the Borg did to you deserves compassion and yes, a little pity. But it doesn’t mean you have to retreat to the Cargo Bay and avoid the rest of us. You are part of this family, just as you are." She looked around. "Computer, end program."

The room shimmied back to its black-and-gold grid. "Everyone has limitations. Parameters, if you will. For most of us, those parameters come from genetics. Yours come from the Borg. That doesn't mean we can't strive to be happy within those parameters. Sometimes we can even challenge them and adjust them a little."

"That is easy for you to say." The younger woman looked away, unable to meet Kathryn’s gaze.

"I'm sure it looks that way from your perspective." Kathryn’s tone was a little tart, and she heard it and smiled. "Oh, my. That was the voice of my mother. Funny how she pops out every now and then. My point is, you are not unique in this respect, and most of us struggle with it but we still to have to try. So, let me ask you again: would you like to have your own quarters? We can set up some walls in the cargo bay so that you can have some private space, maybe even your own kitchen. And a bed. You might like to take a nap once in a while."

Seven nodded slowly. "Yes. I would like that."

"Good. I'll speak to B'Elanna. And I hope that you will continue to come to social functions. In time, you'll find a way to interact that feels comfortable and you won't feel quite so lonely."

Seven considered this, then cocked her head. "May I ask you a question, Captain? Why do you persist in your loneliness?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You are alone as a matter of choice. Everyone knows that you and Commander Chakotay are … inclined toward one another if you would permit the relationship."

"That's really none of your business," Kathryn said more sharply than she intended. Then she relented. "I told you, everyone has parameters. Sometimes those parameters come from rank and duty. We do the best we can within them."

Seven bit her lip, then said quietly, "That is why I picked him. I knew that you value him highly and wondered why. The study made me appreciate the Commander's many admirable qualities."

Kathryn didn't quite know what to say. Did Seven have a crush on Chakotay? Or did she feel something deeper? Oh, but the emotional damper would prevent that, wouldn’t it?

"It is a pity," Seven went on softly, "that you cannot be together. It makes both of you unhappy."

The tone Seven used confused Kathryn. Was it her imagination, or did she hear a hint of a challenge in Seven's voice? Perhaps Seven was capable of more emotion than she realized. Was she putting Kathryn on notice of her intentions? Or did she harbor hopes so deep she wasn't yet aware of them? Or - was she simply challenging Kathryn to change her own situation?

Folding her arms, Kathryn smiled. "Chakotay and I are together, Seven. Not in every sense of the word, granted, but in a very real way nonetheless."

She let Seven chew on that for a moment and was gratified when the younger woman gave a slight nod of acquiescence. Her point made, Kathryn said, "You can return to duty once the Doctor has cleared you. If you think you need the holodeck for a work-related use, clear it directly with me until further notice. And I will speak to B'Elanna this afternoon about renovations in the cargo bay."

Recognizing that she had been dismissed, Seven started to leave.

"One more thing." Kathryn caught Seven's eyes and made certain she had her full attention. "Don't ever lie to me again about your performance while on duty. Tell me the truth or decline to answer, but do not ever lie. No one, no matter how talented, is on my staff if I can't trust them."

"It will not happen again."

"Good."

When Seven was gone, Kathryn stood for a moment, considering. The imminent headache had never materialized but she did not feel relieved. She had given Seven a lot of leeway the past few years, recognizing the very steep learning curve the younger woman was navigating. All that time, she had assumed that, one day, Seven would fully recover her humanity. If the Borg implants left her incapable of truly experiencing the full range of human emotion, that would never happen. Was it fair of her to deny her the opportunity to use the holodecks to express herself for at least a few hours at a time, even at the price of holo-addiction? Might she attain some emotional growth through slow practice, or was it better to force Seven to learn to function within the parameters forced upon her?

It seemed clear that Seven might be nursing a secret affection for Chakotay. Why did it have to be him, of all people? Kathryn felt too conflicted to trust her own judgment. On the one hand, she had long believed that someday, back in the Alpha quadrant, she and Chakotay would be free to explore their feelings for each other. On the other hand, there was no reason they both had to be lonely while they were still in the Delta quadrant. They each had brief relationships with the passing alien or hologram over the years, but in the end, they always returned to their deep, albeit platonic, friendship.

But this felt different. This was someone close to her and it had the potential to be more than a passing fancy. Chakotay would never treat Seven lightly or carelessly, knowing her vulnerability. If he got involved with her at all, it would be with the intention of something permanent. And that just might break Kathryn's heart.

If he knew about Seven's interest, would he return it? If he did, what then? Could she be generous enough to overlook her own feelings for the sake of his happiness?

What was the right thing to do?

When she was faced with ethical dilemmas concerning the crew, she usually consulted Chakotay. That wasn't feasible in this situation. Or ... was it?

Without stopping to think about it, she acted on impulse. "Computer, activate program Janeway Recovered-Alpha." Seven's quarters shimmered into existence. "Insert Chakotay character."

Chakotay, dressed in his gray suit, appeared in front of her. She'd reviewed the complex programming for this simulation. Beyond physical appearance, Seven had done a remarkable job of capturing his personality, and despite the romantic interest in Seven which had been added, Kathryn thought his reactions probably would be authentic.

"Captain," he said, looking worried. "Do you have news about Seven?"

"She's going to be all right," Kathryn said. Her heart lurched as relief spread across his face. His feelings were obvious. She reached out a hand and said, "Sit with me a moment."

They went to the sofa, and he looked at her curiously. "What is it?"

"Tell me something honestly," she said. "Are you happy?"

"What?"

"Does Seven make you happy?"

"Yes," he said simply. "She does."

Kathryn managed to smile. "I'm glad," she said, and gave his hand a squeeze before she stood.

He didn't let go of her hand, and she turned to look at him. "Are you sorry you gave me your blessing?"

She swallowed. That particular conversation hadn't shown up in the programming. Interesting that Seven had added that touch. "No. You deserve to be happy." And that, she realized, was the truth. He did deserve happiness, and she had no right to begrudge it or obstruct it. The longer they were in the Delta quadrant, the harder it was to cling to the hope that someday they could be together. Time was working against them. "I'm sorry if you've been unhappy."

He looked at her intently. "I was never unhappy."

She bit her lip. "Is that true?"

Still holding her hand, he stood and pulled her into a hug. Not a passionate embrace, but rather a hug of comfort between friends, and she found herself returning it. He said quietly, "Kathryn, you know it's true."

She closed her eyes tightly and buried her head against his shoulder. For just a moment, she was tempted to freeze the program and make some adjustments and enjoy a fantasy of her own. Then the moment passed, and she knew what she had to do.

Stepping back but still holding him, she looked up into his face. "Goodbye," she said softly. "Computer, end program."

She was alone again in the empty grid. "Computer, encrypt program Janeway Recover-Alpha to security level one." That would assure that even after the program was deleted, there would be no possible way to recover it.

"Program encrypted."

"Delete program."

The holodeck returned to its bare grid. "Program deleted."

She hit her commbadge. "Janeway to Chakotay."

“Yes, Captain.”

"Are you available, Commander? I need to update you on a matter relating to a member of the crew."

“I’m available. Just catching up on paperwork in my office. Do you want to come here, or should I meet you on the bridge?”

"Stay put. I'll be there shortly."

He needed to know about the holo-addiction and the restrictions on Seven's access to the holodeck and Lab, but she would keep her promise to Seven. He didn't need to know anything more, at least not for now.

As for the possibility of Seven's secret crush, she decided to let it pass for the moment. It was possible that nothing would ever come of it and if it did, well, she would find a way to cope if it turned into something mutual.

Or perhaps, she would challenge her own parameters.

**Author's Note:**

> During its run, Voyager frequently told stories that should have had ongoing consequences but did not. It seemed to me especially true in several episodes of season 7, including “Repression" and “Human Error.” Not only were there absolutely no consequences for Seven for her conduct, the emotional constraint the writers invented for her was conveniently forgotten by the time “Endgame” was written. (Sigh) I wrote this shortly after “Human Error" first aired and tweaked it now to give it a bit more context, considering that readers may no longer be immediately familiar with it. No romance here, just character interaction. (If you don't remember the episode, Seven created a holoprogram in which she was fully human. She was confident and witty in social interactions, and she was pursuing a romance with a holographic Chakotay. She was so entranced by this program that she kept returning to it when she had more important things to do, including saving the ship.)


End file.
